Eventually...

And before I knew it summer had come. It's strange how quickly the seasons change. This world is so amazing, and I'm so grateful to be living here with the ones I love.


Well I guess it's high time for some updates--I've been putting it off...
So no surgery needed for my shoulder, and I'm getting back into the swing of things. Life is finally returning to normal, and that is a huge relief.
My book oh my poor book...so as anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know I'm writing a book, and I've tried several things to "help" me get things done. None of them have worked so far. So long story short my book is still not done, and after writing while in pain and on medication I (now with a clear mind) am realizing how messed up my brain was.
Some of the most important steps in writing a book that are necessary to finish first were only half done if even that.
I cannot tell you how many times I have face palmed myself over the last couple of weeks.
I didn't finish shaping and creating the world or any of my character sketches. Let me clarify that I did finish those for the old world, but since changing everything I haven't updated any of my characters or the world sketches.
Which is important because it affects everything, so I'm a little frustrated with myself. Granted I wasn't functioning properly but I feel like that is a very poor excuse.
But in all honesty I am in love with the newer version of my book, it's deeper and more complex. I am so excited for everyone to be able to read it someday...haha you know when I eventually finish.


Alright, so whenever someone in my neighborhood finds out I'm writing a book they almost always ask me questions like what my process is, how many pages I have written (hate this one by the way), and how I chose my topic. So I was thinking perhaps people reading this have questions like that too.


So if you have any questions about writing just leave me a comment and I'll answer to the best of my abilities.


Ah but to answer those questions I mentioned.
First off my process. I hate answering this question because there is so much I do, and it can get confusing. Hopefully explaining it in letter form will make more sense...hopefully.

• First I find something that interests me.
• Then I'll work with the interest and form it into a concept that might make a good story.
• Then I ask myself a lot of questions. like lets say it's about a country side prison and prisoners are trying to escape. so I'd ask how and when do they escape? Why are they escaping? What are their obstacles? is the whole story about them escaping or is that just how it starts? How many prisoners escape? who is chasing them? Who's point of view do I want to use? Are any of them innocent? (this is usually when things really start spiraling out of control)
• Then I reign things in and focus on my characters. Who are they? What are they like, where do they come from, personalities, likes & dislikes, fears & peeves, family, friends, enemies, education, religion, hopes & dreams, etc. (I try to make my lists as long as possible, I want to know everything about each of my characters even the ones that aren't main characters).
• Then I'll work on the world. I want to know everything about it. (this list is always long and the answers are almost always lengthy). Basics: is it Earth? if not where is it and what is the planet like? Government, religions, superstitions, Wars & Alliances, landscapes, cities & towns/villages, modern world, medieval world, post modern, a mixture of time periods? animals, people (nationalities, tribes, groups, organizations, etc.) the more you know the better.
• Then I'll work on the story line and how that works with world events (if it adds to the story great, if not that's fine. So long as I know what's happening, I hate not knowing things).
• Then I just write. I forget about the world and focus on my story, and characters. (This part is hard for me, because I really want to edit while writing. However if I do that then I will never finish. Instead I get stuck and end up in the re-write loop of doom).
• Once the rough draft is done I'll print it all out (if I can) and edit the poor thing to death, and have trusted people edit it too (I demand full thoughts and opinions not just I like/dislike this and that. I demand Reasons!)
• Then the writing begins again...I'll make sure everything connects and that all the important events are covered and propel the story forward. The worst is to have this great world event that does nothing for your story.
• So after that the editing and re-writing and changes occur as many times as they need to until I'm satisfied.

See I told you it was long.
Alright now for the question I hate. "How many pages do you have?"
...
Really, you had to ask that? Now I know they say there's no such thing as a dumb question but this has to be one of the stupidest questions ever asked, and I'll tell you why.
How many books have you read in your life?
Ever read Harry Potter, Cat in the Hat, or The Hobbit? What about your favorite book?
Do you remember how many pages were in any of those? Most people will say no. The number of pages doesn't matter. If you have a good riveting story with characters that are well developed and deep and people connect to them it doesn't matter how long your book is. People will remember the story you told, not how many pages you wrote.
The Hobbit is between 100-200 pages...it's not a thick book. Cat in the Hat even shorter. Harry Potter is thick but no one cares because they like the story.
Who picks a book based on it's density? Isn't it always because it sounds interesting to read?


Lastly how I pick or find something to write about...
That's kind of difficult, but I guess I just listen and watch. Songs, news stories, myths, observing something while I'm out those all give me ideas.
Once at the store I heard a girl screaming about how she wanted something and her mother replied very shortly "That's too bad. My answer is no and throwing a tantrum is not going to get it." it made me laugh because I came around the corner and saw the kid's face. She was glaring up at her mom, and I could tell she knew she wasn't going to get her way. Alone that's not really much of an idea, but what if something happened right then that changed things? maybe an earthquake or a robbery or perhaps this was a foreshadow for the person observing? maybe the character would be the one over hearing them instead of me, and perhaps later the character would recognize the girl as she's being kidnapped or see her as a sign of hope. Perhaps the child's mother is a police detective/investigator and the character finds himself/herself in danger and when they see the kid know the mom is nearby?
An idea can come from anywhere, you just have to write it down and remember it. I have a little note book in my purse that when I see something or hear something that I just like, I write it down. And later I do the same thing I did with this girl and her mom with each idea.
I guess the important thing is to remember to follow things through to the end, every idea push through and form it to the end. If you don't like it that's fine, just finish the thought first and then move on, because while you may not like it now you may like the concept later, and trust me you'll wish then that you finished the thought.
I also write down my dreams, if I remember them. Often times they don't make much sense, but sometimes I can get some useful material and ideas.




Anyway like I said before if you have any questions about writing just leave me a comment and I'll answer as soon as I can. Hope you guys out there have an Awesome day!

Wednesday

Wednesday...is a hard day. I was rear ended Wednesday the 23rd back in April. I had the Devil's Ex-wife every Wednesday for computer (typing) class in elementary school. In Fourth grade Wednesday was Doomed day...He really hated teaching and children.
Wednesdays either go really well and end badly or they are horrid until just before I go to bed. People often say it's your attitude that makes it a bad day. And while that is true you attitude can make a bad day less awful, but even with a good attitude bad days still happen.
I'm the kind of person that sees the glass half full, I don't get down easily, or even stress out easily...but it does happen.
But I guess what I have the hardest time with on Wednesdays are that they are a thinking day. So much happens on Sunday with church, then Mondays always busy because it's the beginning of the week, Tuesdays are for everything you couldn't get done on Monday, and then there is Wednesday. The day where life calms for a moment and everything I've been trying not to think about resurfaces.
I'm worried about tomorrow...I'm worried about what this new Doctor is going to say, and if I'll need surgery or not.
Surgery terrifies me to no end. I hate not being in control of myself, and the idea of being put under so strangers can cut into my body is a scary thought. I also have a hard time with pain killers. They don't work. When I had my wisdom teeth out I was in pain for over a week. Nothing I took would help with the pain, and I couldn't eat anything but liquids. And when they numbed my shoulder to inject the dye, I felt it at first and it wasn't too bad just uncomfortable (which is normal). but then it hurt like crazy, and it still wasn't in all the way...it hurt until they pulled it out (which isn't normal).
And I have a high pain tolerance, I don't feel things until they hurt a lot. When I cramp I usually just tuff it out and lay on my bed or couch with a heat pad or hot water bottle.


I just hope everything goes well tomorrow.
Peace Out Girl Scout.

An Adventrure Every Sunday

I'm LDS and I teach Primary...the five turning six year olds. They are the funniest group of kids, and the most hyper. There are four boys and two girls, although both the girls rarely come. So usually I just have an all boy class, which is exciting to say the least.
But this last Sunday one of the girls came, which makes this her second time coming since I became her teacher earlier this year. She is so cute, and has the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen.
This cute girl and I had a funny exchange during Sharing time...it went something like this:
"How old are you?"
"I'm twenty two"
"How old is your husband?"
"Oh, I don't have a husband yet"
"Why not?"
"Because they can be hard to find"
"But you're going to get one soon, right?"
"Yes, once I find him."


I laughed so hard later, especially since sooner or later every kid I teach asks me that question. Kids are so cute.
We also talked about Peacemakers in class and how they create a calm and happy place to be...but when I asked if any of them knew what a Peacemaker was they answered like this:
The same girl as before said: He delivers and makes Pizza!
And one of the boys said: Well...um...they are those small round green things...Peas I think they're called peas...I don't like those.
I love teaching Primary. I wouldn't trade my calling for anything.


I've also been thinking about how the Ordained Women don't really get the gospel. They called their own belief Mormonism...but we don't worship Mormon, we worship God--Our Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ...we are Christians, Latter Day Saints of the Church of Jesus Christ. The Priesthood is amazing, and just because woman don't hold the Priesthood doesn't mean we don't glean all the benefits. I don't understand why they are so desperate to be like Men, why aren't they proud of being Women? We have something Men will never have. We form a bond with our children even before they are born. We can do things even science cannot do. Science cannot bring a soul to this world. It's not an insignificant or a trivial Power, and I call it a Power because that is exactly what it is. No man can bring a soul into this world--only a woman can do that.
A man is a necessary part of the process of having a baby, but only a woman can carry and bring the baby's body and soul into this world. And that is certainly not nothing.


I wish more people respected Men. The world I see around me is always tearing down men and making them seem less important. Women need respect too, but there is such a huge push for women rights and fighting the "oppression of Men" that I feel like people forget...we are all the same.
Humans are humans, male of female...in the end we are the same and all long for the same things.
Women are told they are just something to be on a man's arm, and all the clothes in the stores suggest she needs to show off every inch of her body to be loved or noticed.
Men are constantly reminded of how weak they are and how people expect them to be womanizing playboys, that constantly feast on their own hungers and desires.
Gentlemen are looked down on and Playboys and Womanizers are idolized.
Ladies are called naïve, weak and are even looked down on, while 50cent hookers are praised and little girls dream of being on a man's arm in a mini skirt instead of being loved and respected for who they truly are.


Women who are able to remain true to what they believe in, true to who they are, dress in a way that says they love who they are, respect themselves, respect others, and do not sell themselves short should be the ones we are praising. They are the ones worth attention and letting the little girls dream of becoming strong beautiful women like them. Women who are not in any way desperate for attention are the most beautiful.


Men are incredible and of course have their own problems. But Men who have confidence, kindness, honesty, respect for himself, respect for others, dress confidently, take care of themselves, are true to themselves, decisive, and can control his temper is far more attractive than anything you will find on TV these days.


I want a Man, not a boy who is afraid of being himself.


Sorry I realize this post was pretty religious...which is weird because I never talk about religion. And it was pretty ranty.


Anyway Have a Nice Night!

Aren't Doctors supposed to help you not kill you?

Okay so about the Doctor...*rolling of eyes*


I never actually got to see the Doctor at this office, and only ever saw his "assistant". I have never been so frustrated. So after the accident we waited a little while, saw a chiropractor, and when my should still wasn't healing quite right I went to see a specialist.
We scheduled the appointment for 4:00pm but they needed me to be there at 3:50 to fill out some paperwork. No problem, I figured I'd have to fill some things out anyway. Filling out the paper work took about five minutes, and then we waited...and waited....and waited.
My Mom had gone with me (I wasn't able to drive because of my neck and shoulder) anyway she went and double checked that they hadn't forgotten us, they hadn't...although they did forget this poor kid and his Mom. The nurse came out wanting to reschedule them because they had "missed" their appointment at 3:30, but they were sitting there when we got there, so that wasn't reassuring. His Mom refused to reschedule and they took them back, but from what I heard they were there to see a different Doctor anyway.
So they finally take me back (it's 4:45ish) the nurse takes some  X-rays which takes like five minutes tops, and leaves us in one of the rooms. We wait twenty minutes for someone to come and the guy that comes in is the assistant. Which isn't abnormal, but he had to move my shoulder and "test" it. Which really hurt. We spoke for about ten fifteen minutes, and then he left and we waited for another twenty minutes. Then he (the assistant) came back said they were sending me to have an MRI and then walked us to the front desk, without talking to the Doctor.
Oh he also prescribed me an NSAIDs Meloxicam. And we got home at 6:00pm (our house is a five, ten minute drive from there depending on traffic). what could have been a half an hour visit was for some reason two hours.


So I couldn't get the inflammation medicine until the next day (Wednesday), since it was already so late. Thursday I went to have the MRI done, thankfully it was at a different office so things went fast and the building had a much better feel to it. It felt much more relaxed and cleaner. They injected Dye into my shoulder joint which even after they numbed things hurt really bad. It freaked the technician and the Doctor out a little bit that I could feel so much.
The MRI wasn't bad, a little Closter-phobic at first, but it wasn't bad. It took a half hour, but that's pretty normal.


The Doctor couldn't see me until the following Tuesday to discuss the results, but I made sure to schedule the appointment earlier so we wouldn't have to wait forever. So the appointment was set for 9:50 no one was in the waiting room when we got there so I naively thought "Oh good we won't have to wait long"...idiot.
Half an hour, that is how long we waited. They took two or three people back while we just sat there waiting. I was so irritated I couldn't say anything to the assistant who finally took us back.
But yet again the Doctor couldn't see me, just his assistant. Who said I had a bone spur...but bone spurs don't appear right after an accident, they take a while and I have never had any problems with my shoulder before. I've sprained and cracked my ankle, and sprained my knee, but never actually broken anything or had a shoulder injury.
Then he wanted to do a steroid shot to help with swelling, but I wanted to get a second opinion before doing anything like that.
I also happened to look at the Meloxicam side effects that morning and realized that my swollen fingers and toes were in fact a side effect, and one of the more serious ones. So I told the assistant that I was going to stop taking the Meloxicam since I was reacting badly to it and even discussed how I was reacting to it.
He said fine and prescribed me a different one. Celebrex...So when I got home I pulled out the Meloxicam papers and highlighted all the symptoms I had been having a few of the not too serious ones like stomach pain, heart burn, nausea...no big deal. But then I checked the ones that say to get emergency help and to stop using immediately which include Shortness of breath, swelling of face, nausea, tired or weaker than usual, stomach pain, swelling of the arms legs and hands and feet...And these are just the few off the sheet. I also got really OCD and emotional, the pain killer wasn't enough because my pain and the swelling in my shoulder had increased significantly.
So I figured I'd check online just to make sure it was okay to take Celebrex, and their list of warnings says not to take it if you have ever had a reaction to any NSAIDs which includes Meloxicam. So that freaked me out a little bit. We even checked with the pharmacist and she said she wouldn't chance it, since I reacted so badly to the other one. So I'm irritated that the assistant prescribed me another NSAID while knowing I wasn't reacting well to the other one...it's like he had no clue. He also wouldn't stick with anything he said. He was using words like sort of, kind of, I guess, yes but not really, maybe. And he mumbled something about a tear...but wouldn't say anything more about it.
Sine then I've been taking Turmeric and eating foods that are proven to help with swelling and inflammation. Amazingly the swelling has gone down and I am not taking as much painkiller. And Turmeric is just an herb commonly found in Indian or Thai food, so it won't kill me or have horrible side affects.
I'm just grateful we found something that is helping, and that my face isn't swollen anymore. I thought it was just getting rounder and fatter because I haven't been able to exercise for a few months.
We did get the official MRI report, but there is no mention of a bone spur...however there is mention of a tear (what he mumbled and refused to address). So I'm really hoping this new Doctor can 1: actually see me, and 2: shed some light on what's really going on.


I need my dominant hand back!
Oh I just remembered I talked to a Doctor friend of my Mom's and he said that a Steroid shot probably wouldn't even do much good if the NSAIDs didn't work...My body hates medicine...It's not a new thing to me Medicine has never really worked for me. It's just another med on a list of These Don't Work on Me.

A new beginning

Okay, obviously I didn't make my 90 day challenge. I realized that I don't need anyone's approval but my own. I am going to be a Career Novelist one day, and that is a fact. But in the meantime I'm not going to write anymore about getting things done in 90 days or following someone else's plan.
I have made my own plan and have started hacking away my own path through the jungle like maze we call the writing world. The truth is there is no one set way to tell a story. That is why we have classics and movies that are remembered years after they come out. Shakespeare is nothing like JK Rowling, or JRR Tolkien if they were exactly alike they wouldn't be popular.


So on that note, this is me. I have always gone to the beat of my own drum. I really don't care what other's think of me, if they like me, or hate me I don't care. Sure I'm flattered if I'm liked, and I accept compliments when I get them but your opinion doesn't hold any weight. I don't know you and you don't know me, so I don't value your opinion like I would my best friend or mother's. That is part of why I'm changing the name of the blog, not just because I'm tossing the idea but because I don't agree with it anymore.
The book was great, but it would have been more useful had I not had an idea in the first place. Although it was chalk full of great writing exercises, which I may use in the future. But for now I'm sticking with my plan. What's my plan?


Well...I decided I needed to start over, so since March I have been changing my story and changing things. I realized that I was starting in the wrong place, and went further into my main character's past. Currently the story starts with him in high school and follows him through a strange period in his life. He makes friends, meets a murderer, loses his Father (twice), gets trapped, then escapes to the city which is where I had originally started the story.


So for all you interested my story is about a Boy who becomes a Super Villain, although whether or not he is a Villain in the end is up to you. He is raised by a loving and sometimes overbearing Father, who at times seems a little controlling. The boy has had his share of problems though, when he was young his parents divorced and he blames himself for their broken family. He doesn't make friends easily, but two students from school are able to find a way into his heart, and become a trio of best buds. However the day a strange Detective comes into town hot on the trail of a serial killer, and the tragic murder of a Police Officer sets a chain of events into effect that will inevitably change his life forever.


I'm still working on writing a synopsis, but I figure that can wait till I'm done with my story since it keeps changing.
Anyway that's what I'm working on right now. but keep in mind I'm not just going to write about my stories on here.
I'll probably complain and whine about some trivial things no one cares to hear about, but that's most likely why I'm writing them here.


I almost forgot, my cold got worse it finally went away beginning of April. Then once I was finally getting back into be alive I was rear ended by a guy. He was looking at used cars in a car lot while driving...we stopped for a light and he didn't. He was going at least 40-50mph he swerved to miss us and scraped from about the middle all the way over to just above the back right tire. He then slid under the back of our car ruining our trunk and exposing his engine. Miraculously no airbags went off, and no one was seriously hurt.
My Mom and I had whiplash, and my shoulder hurt a little from the seatbelt....but that was at the end of April (Wednesday the 23rd to be exact) and my shoulder is still hurting. I had a Dye MRI a week and a half ago, but we are going to go see a new Doctor this week...which is a whole different story. which I'll have to tell you later...roommate is now trying to sleep. I miss having my own room!




Anyways Good Night! 

Day 67 Sinking deeper into tissues and blankets.

Okay, so I am still sick and I have two dumb stories I want to write about tonight.
First: Saturday night (at least I think it was Saturday night) I tried to take an Advil cold and sinus pill and because of all the mucus it got stuck in my throat. I could still breath, but it was super uncomfortable. So I looked up online to see what to do (it was three o'clock in the morning and everyone was asleep). Nothing I tried worked. They said eating things like bread, salsa, honey and ginger, hot water, vitamin C, along with other odd ideas should loosen and free the pill. I tried them all but none of them worked, and I could feel the pill start to move down my throat but then it would move back up to where it was before. So I finally gave up. I went upstairs to re-brush my teeth and as soon as I had put tooth paste on my tooth brush I puked in the sink. The stupid pill had moved and triggered my gag reflex, it was gross. I managed to get to the toilet and finish puking there, but once everything was out I could still feel the pill in my throat. And to make things worse the sink is a piece of crap and clogs easily soooo skipping to the point, it clogged. I finally climbed in bed at four thirty with the pill still stuck in my throat, but on the bright side the sink is clean and because of the ludicrous amount of Drain-O I poured in it drains a little better than before...sort of. Today I learned (By accident) that if your throat is covered in mucus soda (Ginger Ale) helps clear it off a little bit. So when the Advil got stuck again today I got out a can of Ginger Ale and it went down beautifully. Much better than Saturday.

Story two: So this "morning" (I was up late with a headache and slept in till about 12:30 ish) I got in the shower before going down stairs. I was almost done when suddenly I felt dizzy and nauseous, and I could feel my vision getting narrower. My vision soon was grainy as if things were turned to low resolution. I was leaning against the cold shower wall trying not to pass out. So it doesn't go completely away but I'm able to finish. I get out wrap my towel around me and I can feel the room tipping side to side so I grab the counter and slowly sit down with my back against the cabinet. I'm not sure how long I sat there waiting for the nausea and dizziness to go away. But I'm just relieved that it did go back to normal, and it didn't happen again today. It was kind of scary.

Cold adventures aren't fun. I hope I get better soon. Plus the sooner I'm better the sooner I can really hit my book hard. I really struggle to stay awake at the computer when I'm sick.


Day 67

Day 66

Saturday! still sick and I slept in really late....I'm starting to feel a little depressed. I just wanna be better all ready! :(

Day 66